By Molly S. Wales
CCE(BWI)
Our small town of Athens, Ohio is home to a consumer birth
group called The Birth Circle. Over the
ten years since it began, The Birth Circle has grown from a handful of mothers
who got together to share their birth stories, to a powerful community
organization that has made a substantial difference in the lives of birthing
families, and in our local birthing climate as a whole. We share information, offer support, and
build friendships. We do not endorse or judge.
And as the director of this group, I have the great honor of witnessing
how, every single time we gather together, whether to talk about potty training
or pain management in labor, or to share a meal, or to grieve a childbearing
loss, we lift each other up, and give each other courage, simply by being
present.
Let me give you two examples of this from recent
meetings. A few months back, a new
couple joined us for a discussion about gentle discipline. They quickly shook my hand, took a seat,
didn’t engage with anyone around them, and in general gave an impression of
being very shy and conservative. She was
pregnant for the first time, and new to Athens, and I hoped that this meeting
would open some doors for them, in terms of building community and answering
questions about birth and parenting.
About halfway through the meeting, a mom seated on the floor across from
them pulled her breast up and out of her shirt, and began to nurse her baby. The dad looked at his wife with wide eyes, clearly
a little shocked at how she displayed her breast. Within seconds, the mother’s toddler came
over, and she tandem nursed them for a while, the baby laying in her lap while
the toddler kneeled and wiggled. The new
parents tried not to stare, but their discomfort was obvious. I thought to myself, “We’ve lost them.” When the meeting adjourned they rushed out,
and I didn’t expect to see them again.
But to my great surprise and delight, at our next meeting a month later,
there they were. And at the next
meeting, and the next. They never spoke
up, but they came to every meeting, and along the way their demeanor relaxed a
little. I don’t know what sort of birth
they had, nor the sex of their baby, nor if they’re even still in town. But I think of them often, and how their
decision to return showed openness and courage, and I think of that mom, too,
who tandem nursed so nonchalantly in public, and never knew how she’d so
beautifully exposed this couple to a new idea.
Another example.
Every April we dedicate our meeting to sharing birth stories. This last time was heavy with home births,
with hospital birth stories (both natural and with interventions) interspersed
in between. After the meeting I got a
call at home from a mom who was 38-weeks pregnant, who had decided, after that
meeting, to change her care provider.
She was tired of “impersonal, rough OB care.” She wanted to know about midwifery options. I encouraged her to interview local midwives,
and a few days later she called back to let me know she’d taken the
plunge. She had chosen a home birth
team, had collected her records from her OB office, and was ready to come pick
up a birth pool (we loan them out for free).
When she showed up with her husband, she was glowing. They smiled ear to ear. It seemed such a bold to move, to change
caregivers so late in her pregnancy, and I commended her for her bravery. “I would never have thought I could do it,”
she said, “if I hadn’t heard those birth stories.” What exactly was said that empowered her, I
don’t know. But that’s not really
important. She heard something that
helped her take a critical look at how she was being treated, that helped her
see and feel her own personal truth, and that emboldened her to make a decision
that her extended family perceived to be
reckless, yet which was absolutely right for her and her baby. Those are the times that I think, “Wow, we
are changing the world.”
And that is the power of a birth circle. The power of women and their families getting
together to talk. Not to compare, but to
share. We lift each other up. We are challenged. We teach and learn. And with every tiny bit of support that is
exchanged, intentional or not, we become more fulfilled people, and better
parents for our babies.
Molly S. Wales is the director of operations of The Birth
Circle in Athens, Ohio.
www.athensbirthcircle.com
